i just miss you...

...that's all.

i dont like change. even though i know this type of change shouldnt affect me at all. but i miss spending time together and just goofing off. we still do that sometimes...but not as much b/c you're so busy. and that's understandable. i'm busy too. that's what's been bugging me all this time. i'll get over it, just give me a while.

im going to continue with karate. i love it at pius, as i always have, and i want my blackbelt now more than ever. seeing myself in the blackbelt line at the beginning of class...standing right by your side. i want to prove that i can make it to blackbelt and even beyond that. i know i can...but i still want to prove it. and i will. motivation is my drive, amongst other things.

i have my regrets...but that just pushes me to prove myself even faster. and once again, i will. and i'll get my degree in therapeutic recreation, and that day...i'll be so proud...knowing that in the back of mind ive reached a goal...only to move on to even bigger aspirations.

you've taught me so much already...and all of those things, i keep with me every day. i oft' find myself asking "what would she do?" if i encounter an issue. sometimes i dont listen, but i find myelf going back and saying i should have.

bottom line - yes, ive got a lot to learn...i'm only human lol, but i think i'm doing an ok job so far. much work still needs to be done, but my ultimate goal is not going to change b/c i always think of you [and someone else]. i'm always ready to jump to your side if you need something...as i do with a lot of people, but that's just who i am. even if it's just grabbing a target from across the room for the karate class, i'll do it. lol...

i know you've told me so many times that nothing's going to change...but to a degree, a lot of things already have. but one thing will never change...i'll always be here for you as a friend. im not "clingy", over-sensitive, over-attached, or anything like that...i just care. it's who ive always been, and will continue to be.

thus, i'm ending this post tonight saying that i never want to lose you [or anyone i care so much about]. granted...ive said that before...a lot...but i just needed it in print. now that i've said all that's on my mind, i'm going to get a good night's sleep after i finish my last bit of homework.

good night. :)