Friday, May 8, 2009

sunday, may 10, 2009

yet another mother's day is fast approaching and the possibility of spending it with my mom is nonexistent. this will be the 8th consecutive year that i will not be spending this celebratory day with my mother. granted, a simple phone call each year on this day MORE than makes her day brighter...however, to spend it with her would be absolutely amazing. if only she knew everything that has been going on in my life for the past few months...past few years really...*sigh* i could write an entire book just to be able to let my mom in on my life...and i wish i was there for hers. i honestly dont know how she makes it up there. it would kill me to be away from family and friends...but the effects of the disease simply wash many of those memories away. sure she remembers me, nancy & grady, etc...but she's told me that she wishes she could remember all of her childhood and her past...not just parts of it all. =/ if there was something i could do right now just to make things all better...i would. not only for mom, but...yeah, everyone. idk...it just kind of hit me today that i spent my entire teenage life without my true mother figure by my side...holding my hand only to let go when this butterfly had grown wings. to mom, i'm still her baby...more so than in the eyes of other mothers and their daughters...but i just wish at least part of it could have been semi-normal. granted...i'm glad everything in my past played out the way it did...it's made me who i am today, and i'm grateful for every part of it, but you know...i guess you'd just have to be in my shoes to understand.

mom, i just want you to know that no matter how far apart we are i'll always be by your side. i'll always have you in my heart. constantly thinking the memories we shared. every aspect of my childhood that we spent together will linger in my heart and mind for years to come. i love you mom...happy mother's day. <3

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